It’s April 1st. In the Metro, the heat has officially turned from a nuisance into a weight. It’s the kind of day where the air feels like it’s been breathed by a million other people before it gets to your lungs.
Everyone is playing their little games today. Corporate brands are posting fake products, and people are playing harmless pranks on their friends. I woke up at 2:00 PM and realized the cruelest April Fools’ joke is the one my own brain plays on me every morning—the one where it whispers that today might be the day I finally feel "normal," only to laugh when I can’t even find the energy to wash a single plate in the sink.
In your thirties, unemployment makes you feel like the punchline of a joke you didn’t sign up for. "What do you do for a living?" is a question that feels like a trap.
I almost skipped today. I had the tab open for three hours, staring at the blinking cursor, feeling that familiar, sickening urge to just delete the whole site and disappear again. I’ve "failed" at being a blogger about as many times as I’ve failed at being a "functional member of society." But I figured if I didn't post today, the silence would just be another thing I’d have to apologize for later.
Tonight, they say there’s a Pink Moon rising.
I went out onto the small, rusted balcony of my apartment to see it. In the magazines, the Pink Moon looks like a miracle—a glowing, ethereal orb of hope and rebirth. But here in the Metro, through the thick haze of smog and the orange glare of the streetlights, it just looks like a pale, sickly bruise in the sky.
It’s beautiful in a way that hurts. It’s a reminder that there is something celestial and grand happening above us, but we’re too stuck in the dirt and the traffic and the "nothingness" of our lives to truly feel it.
If you’re sitting in the dark tonight, feeling like a fool for still hoping things will change, or if you’re just tired of wearing the mask that everyone expects you to wear, you’re not alone. We’re all just fools under a bruised moon, trying to figure out if tomorrow is going to be another prank or a real start.
The moon is up there, even if the smog makes it hard to see. And I’m still here, even if I’m just barely hanging on.
How are you navigating the "haze" tonight? Did the moon find you, too?
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